Whiskey Fumes and Jellicle Secrets
by SirPrickles
Summary: A broken whiskey bottle fills the Jellicle Junkyard with fumes and intoxicates the inhabitants, bringing out the good, the bad, and the absolutely insane. Slightly crackfic. Long oneshot. Rated "T" for mild language and suggestive themes.


"Jerrie!" The name was barely a hiss. "Jerrie! Look at this!"

Mungojerrie skipped over and peered, along with his sister, into the rain-drenched gutter. He saw a dead skunk.

He looked disbelievingly at her. "You've got to be kidding."

She sighed impatiently and pointed. "Not that…that!"

The gleam of glass reflected in the darkness.

Jerrie sucked in his cheeks. "A glass bottle? This could be good. But one obvious problem here—" They both looked at the dead skunk.

"Nose has it!" Rumpleteazer said, quickly gluing her finger to her nose.

Mungojerrie swore, but gamely dove into the gutter.

"Ergh!"

Soon, the top of a large glass bottle poked its head out onto the street. Teazer grabbed it and hauled. Slowly, inch by inch, the unbroken bottle emerged, with a sweating Mungojerrie following.

Teazer propped it against the sidewalk.

"What's it say?" Jerrie panted.

"I read just as well as you do," Teazer retorted, knocking a paw against his skull.

"Oh. Not at all, then."

"Sniff it! That's the way to know for sure."

After great effort, they uncorked it. Immediately the odor of strong liquor filled the air.

"Oh, that is rich!" Jerrie chortled.

"Whiskey!" Teazer exclaimed.

"How do you know?"

"I just do!" she said brightly.

"Do not."

"Yes, I do!"

"Fine," he hissed, looking around furtively, "Alright. Cork it back up."

They did.

"Now—back to the junkyard!"

"What?" Rumpleteazer scrunched up her nose. Clearly she didn't want to share their new find with anyone else.

"Can't exactly bring it to Victoria Grove now, can we?"

"Right, right." She picked up the nozzle end. Jerrie hoisted the butt, and together they carried the pristine whiskey all the way to the Jellicle junkyard.

* * *

Late that night, fumes started to fill the Jellicle junkyard. The odor of heavy liquor hung about the old tires and piles of junk and lingered in the black drainpipe. It wafted into dens and filtered through noses of all the inhabitants.

And they started to act up.

Few of them knew what was happening. Emotions were frayed and tempers short; the cheerful grew more chatty, and the mournful became downright dour. But no one was aware of the "why".

That made it all the sweeter for the cat lounging high above the junkyard clearing on some old bedsprings, watching everyone else. He snickered and couldn't help feeling very contented when he saw a gold-and-black queen walk right into the washing machine and bounce off, eyes rolling helplessly. She then wobbled away and promptly tripped over a black-and-white tuxedo cat sound asleep on the ground.

"Tugger?" asked a voice.

Tugger barely turned his head. "Admetus." Admetus clambered onto the bedsprings, keeping a respectful distance from the larger tom. A loud clatter came from below them—Pouncival had just fallen off his rocking-chair and was now giggling madly and attempting to hug Jemima.

Admetus hesitated. "It seems," he said carefully, "that everyone's drunk."

Tugger nodded. "It's exactly what it seems." He looked casually at the other cat. "Why in the world aren't you affected? You're too young for good stuff like this."

"Oh—"Admetus started—"well. You know my Uncle Rumpus, who lives under the bridge?"

"Once-great Rumpus Cat, now surviving on pigeon scraps? Yes."

"Well," Admetus said, turning pink, "To be honest, he smells a lot stronger than this. I got used to it a while ago."

"Ah," was all Tugger graced him with.

Admetus asked, "Well, what about you?"

"Honestly. You think I've never drunk this stuff before? I'm the Rum Tum Tugger. Although everyone knows it, let me repeat: I'm a badass."

Admetus replied: "I would think the same about Jerrie and Teazer, but look at them—"he indicated the striped tabby-cats, who were attempting to do a "double-windmill" upside down and giggling nonstop.

"They," Tugger said, "have been drinking straight from a human-sized bottle. Everyone else is high off fumes."

"Except us," Admetus added.

"Yes."

They continued to watch the antics of the other cats in silence, although Tugger did give a chuckle whenever Alonzo fell over, tried to right himself, and fell over again.

"So." Admetus, searching for something to say, scratched his arm vigorously.

"So?" Tugger said, still avidly watching the shenanigans below. Exotica padded her way out into the yard and tripped over Mistoffelees, who didn't stir. She picked herself up hazily and proceeded to the TSE car, where Coricopat and Tantomile were holding a sustained note of high-pitched humming. She tugged on Cori's tail.

Admetus, too, watched in fascination.

Cori's eyes opened wide. He crawled over to Exotica. She smiled mysteriously and gestured "Closer!" with one finger. He leaned closer.

Exotica ran the finger under his straining chin and, without warning, slapped his face. Coricopat reeled back in shock, the fumes keeping his eyes heavy-lidded but clearly, bewildered. Exotica smiled more widely and climbed onto the car, practically sitting in his lap. Cori blinked, looking like a very confused little kitten.

Exotica's face softened. She leaned in and kissed Cori, first gently, then, as he responded eagerly, with passion.

Admetus sighed. It was a tiny sigh, but Tugger heard it. "What? You like Exotica?"

"Oh? No! No, nothing like that."

"Wish that would happen to you?" Tugger asked shrewdly.

Admetus twiddled his thumbs. He stared intently at Alonzo, who was trying to climb up on the washing machine and having difficulty.

"I know it's not Alonzo…" Tugger mused.

Admetus grew pink.

"Because if it were any male, it would be me…"

Admetus twitched violently. "It's not you!"

"Not even a little bit?"

Admetus gagged. "Eww. Half the time I can't stand you. The other half, you're not around." Realizing what he'd said, he clapped his paws over his mouth.

Tugger shrugged. His own gaze was now fixed on Bombalurina. "Do you want me to keep guessing, or are you going to tell? Remember: I can't help if I don't know the situation."

Admetus tapped his forehead experimentally, trying to see if the fumes had gone to his brain. He felt the fingers loud and clear. "How can you help?"

Tugger sighed. "In case you haven't noticed, I _am _the love machine around here. Now, which one?"

Admetus almost wished he was drunk. Conversations with Tugger were too often uncomfortable. The big tomcat seemed to enjoy them that way.

"Rumpleteazer."

Admetus literally jumped, and landed on his own tail. He cursed and rubbed it vigorously.

"So it is Rumpleteazer."

Admetus blurted: "I never said that!" His eyes darted to the pretty little tabby, who was in a rough shoving match with Mungojerrie. They both giggled wildly.

Tugger, still watching Bombalurina stretch luxuriously, stated: "My advice? Go act drunk."

Admetus frowned at the Maine Coon.

"Go down there and pretend you're under the influence. Try to get some feelings out of her by showing your own _shamelessly_."

Shamelessly? Admetus froze up. Tugger was the shameless one. He, Admetus, was the quiet, unassuming one. The tom who made up the background, who was always in the chorus. Never the main attraction. And never shameless.

"You have nothing to lose." Tugger grinned at him. "If it doesn't work out, pretend to come out of it and deny everything. You can bet that's what everyone else will be doing."

Exotica and Coricopat were making out shamelessly.

Tantomile inched away in disgust. She caught sight of Mungojerrie and smiled blissfully, sliding off the car hood and making her way towards him, only stumbling slightly on Mistoffelees.

Jerrie, too, caught sight of her. He pushed Rumpleteazer extra-hard, throwing her into a pile of shower rings. He trotted off to meet Tantomile. As soon as they met, his arms were around her waist and hers flung over his broad shoulders, lips a-tangle.

They, too intent on each other, lost balance and fell over, but didn't seem to notice.

"Love is in the air," Tugger smiled. He licked his lips and his eyes once again sought out the fiery red queen, perched on the large tire with her back arched. She was rolling her head slowly, eyes closed and a sensual smile on her face. Admetus couldn't look away.

Tugger noticed.

"Now, Admetus!" Tugger hissed, giving him a push. "Go!"

Rumpleteazer got up from the shower rings, still giggling. She looked around for Mungojerrie and, not seeing him, twisted her face into a comical frown.

Admetus gulped. Still he sat. "I—"

Tugger bodily threw him down. Admetus tumbled, rather shamelessly, into the junkyard, knocking over Jellyorum who had been crooning to Asparagus and landing squarely on Victoria, who was vainly trying to wake Mistoffelees.

"Sorry!" he said hastily, backing away. He backed right into a solid shape, which vigorously pushed him back and giggled. Pushing and giggling. Admetus stood straight up and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Hey!" Teazer popped in front of him. "You're supposed to push back!"

"Uh, hi, Teazer!" Inwardly he groaned. Could he have sounded dumber?

She glared at him. And repeated, more forcefully: "Push back!"

She pushed him, her little paws surprisingly strong on his much larger frame. Admetus gulped. Teazer had touched him!

Without thinking much, he pushed back.

Strong as she was, Rumpleteazer was still much smaller than Admetus. She flew backwards into the shower rings.

Admetus' exhilaration evaporated. He ran over. "Teazer! Are you alright?"

She giggled her way back out. "That's more like it!" She gave him a shove and raced off, bouncing over various pieces of junk. She turned her chin saucily to look back at him and said with her eyes, "Catch me…if you can!"

Admetus couldn't believe his luck. He sprinted after her. They disappeared into the warm, whiskey-filled night.

Tugger chuckled. High above the rest of the Jellicles, he was having the night of his life. Maybe not the best, but definitely in the top ten.

Below, Munkustrap, the Jellicle protector, had finally appeared. He was trying to keep Demeter from crying, something she'd been doing off and on since the fumes overwhelmed her. He held her, and crooned in her ear, but it didn't appear to be helping. He searched desperately for Bombalurina, thinking she could calm her sister.

She, however, was on the verge of a catfight with Cassandra. Cassandra wanted her perch on the tire.

Munk hastily released Demeter and reached the tire in time to pull a hissing Bomba away from the Abyssinian, who yawned and arched her back coolly before settling into Bomba's spot. He marched the angry red queen away and sat her down by Demeter. Bomba, acting on pure instinct, wrapped her arms around her sobbing sister and tried to soothe her.

Munk moved away from them and focused on getting the kittens to stay still and be calm, a feat that was not easy. Etcetera was swinging haphazardly on her acrobatic swing, Electra trying to catch hold of her legs. Jemima and Pouncival were playing a very violent and frenetic game of tag. Plato was rubbing against Victoria, who cooed and batted her eyes at him. And Tumblebrutus tried to grab a hold of Electra's tail while spinning.

Apparently, they were hyper-active drunks. Munk succeeded in making Etcetera get off the swing but failed in every other attempt. He gave up and left them, going back to check on Demeter. He sidestepped Mistoffelees neatly.

Demeter was still weeping. Bombalurina's chin, chest and shoulders were drenched. But she resolutely stroked her sister's hair, crooning a lullaby.

Munk sighed. He shook out his head, and caught sight of his black-and-gold brother, watching everyone from high up on the bedsprings. His eyes narrowed.

He worked his way past Coricopat and Exotica, who were now singing a Disney-style duet on the hood of the TSE car, up to where Tugger lay.

"You?" Tugger said.

Munkustrap glared at him. "What is going on, Tugger? Why aren't you affected?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," Tugger said, shocked. "Heavy whiskey fumes, and the Jellicle Protector doesn't feel a thing? What is going on here?"

Munk looked a little embarrassed. "My job is stressful."

"So." Tugger looked at him with newfound respect.

Munk shrugged. "It's no big deal. I might knock back a few. Sometimes."

"Bast. One of the highlights of this evening was supposed to be you—"he waved a paw at Munkustrap—"like this." He waved a paw at the rest of the Jellicles, who were in various stages of tears, squeals, yelling, falling over, passionate make-outs and, in Mistoffelees' case, still lying sprawled out in the dirt.

Munk sighed. "How long do you think this will take to dissipate?"

"At least all night." He sounded hopeful.

Munk grimaced.

Suddenly Tugger shot upright. Munkustrap looked at him. "What...?"

Tugger pointed.

Macavity was staggering into the main clearing. Lighting sparked from his dirty coat. His gaze was wild and searching, his claws scratching the ground.

"Shame Mistoffelees is out cold," Tugger said, hair raising on his back. "I think one zap would finish Mac off right now."

Munkustrap looked from one brother, sober, to another, drunk as a sailor in port. Truthfully, he would rather have Alonzo at his back than the Rum Tum Tugger, but his brother did have a bone to pick with Macavity. And he was the largest tomcat in the yard. Certainly the fastest.

Munk just hoped he was stronger than Macavity. Even a drunken Macavity.

Assuming his protector stance, Munk leapt down and stalked toward Macavity.

Alonzo, with great effort, met him on the TSE car. "Macavity!" he informed Munk, and flailed wildly. Tugger snickered.

Well, a sober Tugger had to be better than a drunk Alonzo.

"Demeter!"

Munk froze.

"Demeter!" Macavity wailed, reaching the gold-and-black queen. "Demeter! You belong with me! You are mineeeeee…" His deep voice trailed off in a drunken screech.

Demeter, still sobbing, pushed away from him. "No! Never!"

"Leave that fool Munkustrap, and come away with me! You are my love, my onlyyyyy…" He groped for her. She managed to push away.

"I love Munkustrap only!" she bawled. "I think I always did!"

Munk relaxed greatly. Behind him, Tugger scowled. "That was anti-climactic."

Alonzo chimed in, "Sweet!"

Munk growled at Tugger, "How would you like it if he was trying to take _your_ queen—"

"Shut up, Mac!" Bomba yelled. She gave the mystery cat a hearty push. "Leave my sister alone! She's not for you, never, not anymore! Get out of here before—I—kill you!" She raked his side with her claws.

Macavity spun around. "You! Bombalurina! How dare you—"

"Shut up!" she shrieked. "Get your sorry ass out of my way! I can't stand the sight of you! After what you did to my sister, you're lucky I haven't—"a profound stream of angry profanity followed, with detailed descriptions.

Tugger whistled. "An angry drunk." He sounded as if he approved thoroughly.

Alonzo nodded foggily. "Of course. Redhead." He paused. "You got to feel sorry for Mac, though."

"No," Munk and Tugger both said. They looked at each other appraisingly. Were the fumes were starting to affect even them?

"He doesn't deserve her," Munk declared.

"Nobody does."

"Watch it, Rum Tum," Munk said warningly.

"Watch them!" Alonzo yelped. Macavity shoved Bombalurina, and she spun away and fell heavily in the dust.

Tugger was the fastest. In an instant he was crouched by Bomba, hissing at Macavity.

Munk hurried over, Alonzo hot on his tail, but wobbling dangerously at that speed.

Munk assumed the stance protecting Demeter, who was softly weeping, and Bomba, who was practically spitting, from Macavity, who was looking very confused but all the angrier for it.

"Munkustrap! Brother, this is the endddddd…" Macavity charged. Munk sidestepped him and pushed. Macavity went sprawling and ended up in the dirt next to Tugger.

Tugger sat on him. The weight, coupled with the alcohol, reduced Macavity to a yowling mass unable to escape. "Let me go, Fuzzy Wuzzy! I will have my revengeee…"

"Fuzzy Wuzzy?" Alonzo said, brow wrinkling.

"Don't," Tugger said flatly.

Bombalurina giggled. "Fuzzy Wuzzy! That's so cute..." She crawled over to Tugger and nuzzled his chest, still giggling. He purred and settled her in on his lap, the extra weight muffling Macavity's curses.

"Right; you've got him covered." Munk rolled his eyes.

Tugger smirked. Bomba was rubbing against him and breathing heavily into his neck, quite indecently. Munk hastily looked away.

"Munkustrappppp…" came a beguiling wheeze. But Munk didn't care. He went to Demeter.

She was still whimpering. "Dem, Dem," he whispered, taking her in his arms. "It's all right."

"Munkustrap?" she asked tremulously.

"Yes. Always."

Her breath came in gulps. He squeezed her as tightly as he could without crushing her. "It's alright, it's alright."

Behind him came Tugger's voice: "Like I said, it probably won't wear off until dawn. At least." And the wheeze: "Munkustrappssss…."

"Shut up!" Bomba shouted. A dull thud sounded from the ground.

"Such a very, very angry drunk…" Tugger drawled. Bomba giggled.

Demeter's eyes suddenly opened wide. She pushed away from Munkustrap. "Stop that!" she shrieked. "Get away from my sister!"

Tugger looked shocked. Bomba blinked her wide brown eyes in surprise.

"You," Demeter hissed, pointing at Tugger, "get away from my sister! She's too good for you! You don't deserve her!"

Munk wrapped his arms around Demeter. "Dem! It's alright."

Demeter stiffened. She shuddered. Her eyes rolled.

"Munk," she said, tearfully, "make him stop! Stop him from hurting my sister." She burst into loud sobs yet again.

Bomba started sniffling. She pushed off of Tugger and raced to Demeter. "I love you, little sister! I love you!"

"I love you!" Demeter cried, burying her face in Bomba's shoulder.

"You're the best sister ever!"

"I love you!"

"I won't ever leave you!"

"I love you!"

"I'll always be there for you!"

"I love you!"

"If they weren't sisters, I swear…" Tugger stayed seated, looking very displeased. Coldly he said: "How can we clear up the fumes? I was going to have a good ol' wild night."

Munk shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine." In truth, these sobbing queens were just as unappealing to him as they were to Tugger. Alonzo, finally joining them on the ground, yawned. "I'm tired," he stated.

"Nap sounds good to me," Munk said. He carefully detached Demeter from her sister. "C'mon, Dem, it's bedtime."

She sniffled and buried her face in his shoulder. He smiled and rubbed her back. He looked forward to when Demeter wasn't high on whiskey fumes.

"And you," Tugger stated, catching Bombalurina around the waist. "Get back down here. Macavity's not going to babysit himself."

"Fuzzy Wuzzy," Macavity wheezed.

Munk asked, "What about when he's not high? Won't that be a problem when you're sitting on him?"

"Excellent point! Munk, you should be sitting here. You're the Jellicle protector. Or, better yet, plop Alonzo on top of him. No better use for him right now."

Alonzo beamed.

Munk sighed. "No. Let's do this the easy way, and stick him in Jenny's den. There's a pen for the naughty kittens."

"Naughty kittens," Bombalurina said cheekily, gazing at Tugger. He pinched her.

"Tugger! Help! _Now_!" His brother was so easily distracted.

"As if a pen for naughty kittens is going to hold the Hidden Paw?" Tugger said, pulling Macavity to his feet. Munk grabbed Macavity's other arm firmly.

"It will in this state. After that, there's really nothing we can do."

Tugger gave him a significant glance.

"No, Rum Tum. We can't kill Mac. Not like this."

Tugger shrugged. "Only if you prefer being beaten up every other time. Up to you, Jellicle Protector." He made a mock salute.

It was tempting. Munkustrap glanced briefly at the disheveled figure. Just do away with him now, and save so much trouble in the future. He hesitated. He hesitated longer. He looked at Demeter. He hesitated again.

"Why don't you just have a sit on him and think about it?" Tugger said, reaching for Bomba again. She purred seductively.

"No," Munk said, finally. He jerked his head. "To Jenny's."

Tugger released Bombalurina, clearly irritated. "Fine."

Suddenly, a new smell entered the junkyard. It was rather rank, smelling of mold and rat poo and unwashed cat and even stronger alcoholic fumes. Tugger frowned. "Is that—"

Munkustrap groaned loudly. "Yes."

The Great Rumpus Cat leapt into the clearing. He quickly tripped over Mistoffelees, and sprang back up. He spotted Munk and Tugger and bounded over briskly.

"Evening, Toms! What you all up to?"

Tugger murmured in Munk's ear, "I see he followed the fumes."

"Rumpus Cat," Munk said sternly, still holding firm to Macavity, whose head was lolling back, "We don't have any alcohol."

The Great Rumpus Cat jumped back as though he had been pinched. "Alcohol? No alcohol? But—"he paused significantly. "Whatever makes you think I'm looking for alcohol?" His voice had become decidedly sneaky.

Munk rolled his eyes. "We don't have any, so don't bother."

Rumpus Cat puffed out his rather portly chest. "Listen here, Monkeystraps—"

Munk bristled. "Munkustrap!"

"Monkeystraps—"

"Mun-ku-strap!"

"_Monkeystraps_!"

Tugger butted in, "You can call him Munk." Rumpus Cat, still fixated on Munkustrap, looked chagrined. "Monk? Monk, you say?"

"Yes!" Munkustrap said, irritably.

Rumpus Cat shuffled over and leaned in. Munk held his breath. Up close, the Great Rumpus Cat smelled strongly of a port-o-potty. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," Rumpus Cat breathed, heavily, into his ear.

Munk stood still in shock.

"It's been—oh, a few years since my last confession—"

Munk couldn't believe this. Even Tugger was appalled.

"I've done some rather—um—dirty things—"

Munk's mouth worked uselessly.

"There was this pair of Siamese twins—"

"You know what? Just call me Monkeystraps."

Rumpus Cat stood straight. "You got it." His permanently bleary eyes traveled past Munkustrap to the tomcats behind Munkustrap.

"Macavity!" Rumpus Cat said, sounding very shocked.

"Yes." Munk gritted his teeth. "We know."

Rumpus Cat yelled, "You're in great danger! He's standing right behind you!" Rumpus pointed authoritatively. Munk followed his finger.

It was pointing straight at Tugger, whose expression suggested that he was not amused by this in any way, shape, or form.

Munk sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. This was too much for one night. "That's the Rum Tum Tugger."

"No, that's Macavity. I never forget a face."

"No—" Munk didn't know why he bothered arguing with Rumpus Cat.

"Yes! Macavity! I'd know him anywhere! The biggest, shaggiest, nastiest, ugliest—"

Tugger growled, "_This_ is Macavity!" He reached down and grabbed a handful of Mac's headfur, yanking his dazed face upright.

Rumpus Cat paused. "Oh." He looked back at Tugger. "What was your name, again?"

Before either of them could respond, Macavity wheezed:

"Fuzzy Wuzzy."

Rumpus Cat nodded importantly. "Right. Now, Monkeystraps, you and Fuzzy Wuzzy and Spot here—" Munk and Tugger glared at Rumpus Cat.

Alonzo yawned loudly. "Who's Spot?"

Rumpus Cat continued: "Take Macavity prisoner. I have a place that never fails me. In my line of work, you need good containment fields."

Alonzo said loudly, "Who's Spot?"

"So! Just pick him up, my good toms, and soon your Jellicle junkyard will be right as rain!"

"Hardly," Tugger sneered, adopting a belligerent stance. "You haven't noticed, but this whole place is under the influence of whiskey fumes. It won't be 'right as rain' for quite a few hours."

Munk, too angry to speak, nodded in agreement.

Alonzo, perturbed: "Who's Spot?"

Rumpus Cat waved away their objection. "Nonsense. I can barely smell it. On my way in I saw my nephew Admetus with a ladyfriend. He's not affected at all. He was all too coordinated." Rumpus Cat winked suggestively at Munkustrap.

"Good for him," Tugger said fondly, then snapped back into belligerence. "We can handle this, O Great Rumpus Cat. Take a hike."

"Yeah," Munk said. Feeling this was not vehement enough, he added: "Yeah."

Rumpus Cat stared longingly at Tugger's left leg. Suddenly, he lunged.

Tugger quickly sidestepped, and Rumpus hit the dust. He came back up with a mouth full of dirt, spitting in every direction.

"What was that?" Tugger hissed, hackles raised.

Rumpus Cat fluffed out his head. "Nothing. Nothing. Sometimes I just get the overwhelming urge to bite things." He turned to Munkustrap and snapped his jaws. Munk, expecting a move like that, was just out of range.

"Mordacious," Tugger muttered.

"Damn straight," Rumpus agreed. He hastily stood up straighter and puffed out his chest. He ran a paw through his mane. "Hello, Beautiful."

Bombalurina walked, her hips rolling sensually, up to the Rum Tum Tugger. She grabbed his mane in both paws and pulled him towards her.

"Easy, Babe. Macavity has to be dealt with." But his smirk was back.

Rumpus Cat bowed elaborately. "My Queen."

Bomba, sniffing him, turned around, leaving one paw in Tugger's mane. Her eyebrows rose.

Rumpus Cat took her free paw and gave it a resounding kiss. Bomba looked shocked, and then giggled like a queen-kit.

"And what," said Rumpus, wiggling his eyebrows deviously, "is your name?"

"Bombalurina," she answered, flushing cutely.

Rumpus sighed, like a Romeo meeting his Juliet. "What a lovely name. I shall call you 'Bombalurina'." He recited the name as if it were poetry. "Bombalurina…Bombalurina. Bombalurina? Bombalurina! Bombalurina!" He kissed her paw again.

"Easy there, kitty," Tugger said, stepping between them. "This is my queen." His voice was unbearably smug.

Munk grinned. Rumpus Cat looked affronted, especially when Bombalurina turned back to Tugger and buried her face in his chest, inhaling deeply. It was to be expected. The Rum Tum Tugger smelled much better than the Great Rumpus Cat.

"I see." Rumpus eyed him with grudging admiration. "Well. She is much too young for me.

"Although," he added, in a reverential tone of voice, "not nearly as young as those Siamese twins that I—"

"Why don't we take Macavity to the containment field?" Munk, not a monk, didn't want to hear about the sordid adventures of the Great Rumpus Cat. "Quickly, before he comes to."

"Hold on," Tugger said. "Munk. I think you have a visitor."

Demeter stood at Munkustrap's side. She nudged him bashfully.

"Dem," Munk said, overjoyed that she wasn't crying, "do you need something?"

She nodded. Her green eyes shone.

Munk took her paws. "What?"

"Munkustrap?" she said, sweet as sugar and twice as lovely.

He answered, "Yes. Always." And forever.

Demeter smiled again, this time with a little edge. "I need you…" She stopped right there and simply gazed up at him. Her slanted green eyes changed in shape, becoming heavy-lidded and full of desire.

Tugger coughed discreetly and jerked his head in the direction of Munk's den. Bomba beamed at Munk and Demeter and buried her face happily in Tugger's mane yet again.

"Right," Munk said, his heart thumping wildly. "Got it. You can handle Macavity?"

"Please," Tugger said dismissively, running his claws up Bomba's back.

Munk nodded at his brother in gratitude, and wrapped his arm around Demeter's shoulders. She snuggled in cozily and smiled at him. Together they walked to their den.

Once they'd gone, the Great Rumpus Cat sniffled happily. "Oh, Monkeystraps. What a lovely scene of true love-ee-ness. How romantic. I applaud you. Clearly you are a marvelous tom with a (may I say) stupendously enchantingly lovely queen-friend. In fact, if she was single...or even interested...hmm..." Turning back, he found himself all alone with Macavity dropped neatly at his hind feet.

"What the?" He looked around wildly. "Fuzzy Wuzzy?"

No sign of the big tomcat. The red queen was suspiciously missing as well. Rumpus Cat blinked owlishly. How could they disappear so fast?

Rumpus Cat grumped, "Fine then!" He grabbed Macavity by the rear leg and pulled, dragging him unceremoniously through the dirt and trash of the Jellicle junkyard. He chuckled good-naturedly to himself. "Glad to help out. You crazy youngsters. Don't know how to handle the good stuff." Still chortling, he successfully dragged Macavity out of the Jellicle junkyard and set off for his hidey-hole under the bridge.

Back in the Jellicle's clearing Coricopat and Exotica had finally stopped singing. Tumble was playing with Electra's tail while she chatted happily with Etcetera, who lounged indulgently on Plato's lap. Jemima and Pounce were fast asleep on his big rocking chair, and Victoria was dancing quietly by the still-unconscious Mistoffelees. Cassandra caught moonbeams from atop the large tire and Admetus snuggled happily with Rumpleteazer in the pile of shower-rings. Mungojerrie and Tantomile were in the exact same spot, doing the exact same thing. They didn't seem to notice the world moving around them.

And slowly, the whiskey fumes evaporated from the Jellicle junkyard.

But one cat remained affected.

"Who's Spot?" Alonzo whimpered, to no one in particular.


End file.
